if 'ifs' and 'buts' were candy and nuts, we'd all have a merry christmas.


Slapped up here on 11/30/2001 07:54:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

late last night, using some of the massive snow accumulation, someone sculpted a rather large replication of a cock 'n' balls back behind the bryan hall clock tower. sadly, i never saw the masterpiece when totally erect, i was only shown the clumped pile after someone smashed the shaft. so now, the balls stand alone. all alone.


Slapped up here on 11/29/2001 11:20:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

i went to the vending machine in the basement to purchase my dinner. i removed the quarters from my pocket and slid 4 of them into the coke machine money hole. after i pushed my desired button there was an awkward 'nothingness' which caused me to press the button again (repeatedly) "c'mon! [click-click-click] you piece of--" after that there was a comforting 'bum-bah-domp' of the coke bottle falling into the retrieval compartment. i reached down with glee and nabbed my tasty beverage. with my right hand i applied enough torque to twist off the confining cap and release the contents inside. i love the 'pshht - shhhh' of the bottle opening and the carbonation doing it's thing to try and escape from it's death container before i down the liquid and toss the empty worthless bottle away.
with that task completed, i moved on to the snack machine. it was rather empty so i didn't have much to choose from. but i spotted a twix bar in the lower right portion of the machine and i gasped in delight... "oooh, that twix bar is gonna be ooey gooey good!" i slid 3 quarters into the slot and pushed what i thought were the buttons E9 to get the twix. you can imagine my horror when i saw a bag of planters peanuts start to move. "NO! damn you! DAMN YOU!" i had pushed E6 by mistake! i am such a dumbass! there was nothing i could do to stop the madness as the peanuts fell into that little place where you push the flap in with your hand to get your snack. i thought for a split second that maybe i still had enough change to get the twix. with the skills i learned in 2nd grade i counted up my cents. fuck, a nickle short. man, that twix would've been good too.

***

this evening i made a sign for my friend to hang on her dorm door. it read as follows: ASK ME ABOUT GUY WORTHEY
i'm sure there are going to be many inquires.


Slapped up here on 11/27/2001 10:33:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

it's only the tuesday back from break but things are already pretty much back to normal. free doughnuts make getting out of bed worthwhile, giggling at the word "uranus" is justified giving the mouth of the person it came out of, and drawing cartoons of transvestites on the desk area in physics is more important than physics itself.



Slapped up here on 11/27/2001 03:59:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

whenever i eat a tums, or something like it, i automatically think of the time we stole mr. upchurch's tums while we were all laying on his bed during the after season basketball party back in 7th grade. so, that was like 1995. scheezy my neezy, that was a long time ago. and it paints a really weird picture too, unless you were there and know what i'm talking about. even then though, it is still weird, isn't it.


Slapped up here on 11/26/2001 10:36:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

my ride back was fantastic. you heard me. well, it wasn't that great. actually, i thought it would be certain death, but i made it back okay. when we got here it was snowing. it's the ugly kind of snow. it looks pretty when it's falling, but it's not covering everything and there are ugly bare patches in some places.
anyway, let me tell you about this nerd on my bus. he sat in front and across from me. he looked the part of a partial nerd, you know, with the briefcase, unkept hair, large glasses. but i didn't think he was a total geek yet. after a couple of hours into our trip i began to hear remnants of classical music. i look overhead to see if maybe there were radio speakers leaking this music. there were none. my eyes scanned the bus and landed on the nerd who was wearing headphones. no way, i thought, it wasn't coming from the nerd -- was it? i then caught myself analyzing such a stupid thing and so i stopped. but, later, i noticed the nerd rummaging through his bag. i snuck a peek and to prove my convictions i saw a box with MOZART written on it, and several paper sleeves inside each containing a cd. there was also a Vivaldi cd case. i diverted my eyes before i saw anymore. i couldn't belive this guy was blasting the classical on the bus. it was too much for me. so i feel asleep.
later when i woke up, i checked back in on the nerds progress. he was reading a weird big red book. so i tried to spy in on what he was reading. it was in the form of a text book, but not one you'd have for college. it was thin, and looked old and weathered with a sort of material covering. i couldn't make out what it was supposed to be teaching, but it had a lot of greek lettering and something to do with math and probability or something like that. definitely nerd reading material if you ask me.
come to think of it. so is oracle at delphi... hmm...




Slapped up here on 11/26/2001 08:55:00 AM by: Me, Suzy...

ok, it's taken weeks of preparation, but i'm finally ready for a vacation. excuse me while i let out a huge sigh of relief, and content, and happiness, and oh mama yeah... so, in short - i'll be home for 10 days. i plan to really take advantage of this time too. imagine a week of functioning far apart from the reality lived everyday. months spent on a campus seems like just a dream sequence when returning to a place where you went to kindergarten. a week hiatus from everything that seems important in your college town now, and that seems trivial and intimidating when separated from it. i can't wait to be separated from it. i want to realize yet again that, sure, school is important, but you have to know what keeps you going. if i ever stop being happy about going home, i want you to shot me, then smother me in brown mustard and relish, i'd be so delicious.


Slapped up here on 11/15/2001 01:06:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

homer no function beer well without.



Slapped up here on 11/14/2001 05:07:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

man, today was -- different, to say the least. i've been in a "i'm going home tomorrow!" daze all day today, and it has made me extra strange. it all started when i was walking to philosophy and i zoned out. when i looked up i in was in the chemistry building and at a loss as how i managed to do such a thing. even though this is something that shouldn't happen, i could get to where i wanted to go by going through the chem building, so it all worked out. next, while i was waiting to talk to an honors advisor, i felt like being a idiot, so i sunk down in the chair and started making faces at myself. then i saw april's favorite person, kim anderson [who, did i mention this before, bears an incredible resemblance to a one Mr. Merrell]. he was continuously whistling and driving me insane so i felt like being a prick, and started making faces in his direction. don't worry, the british wanker didn't catch me.

oh also, while i was talking to the advisor person, i noticed she was using her mouse like an idiot. i caught myself cocking my head in wonderment as i saw she had it ass-backwards. instead of the buttons being north, they were pointing south. i don't know what the hell she was thinking. it's really disorientating to do that. you have to move it opposite to every direction you're wanting to go. she also had one of those page scrolling wheelie things on the mouse but she didn't use it. it was making me NUTS just watching it. it still makes me nuts. i wanted to say something, and insult her intelligence, but i didn't.



Slapped up here on 11/14/2001 04:31:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

after a weekend of heavy usage, our tremendous janitorial staff cleaned our elevator today. so now, instead of it being decorated with heineken and zima bottles and smelling like BBQ chicken, it's empty and smells like disinfectant. it made me feel sad...


Slapped up here on 11/13/2001 06:29:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

for my money, the best song ever is: Nat King Cole; The Christmas Song - Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire... total warm fuzzy feelings happening here. the hootie and the blowfish version is also a keeper. am i a bit premature with the whole christmas thing? i don't know, but it just makes me feel good.


Slapped up here on 11/12/2001 12:17:00 AM by: Me, Suzy...

as i climbed down from bed this morning this thought crept into my head, "ah... yes, 'tis a wonderful morn, broseph. i only have to survive 5 more days and i get to flee this rat hole." [10 days for thanksgive break, little lady!] little did i recall at that time the hell that was going to confront me within the capacity of these next 5 days. the hell isn't much different from any other week of my life this fine semester, but i was hoping for maybe a little break following the horribleness of the week previous to this weekend. i needed to get started working this morning but i just now collected the balls to turn my tv off. the only problem is that my computer is still on. drat! i made some progress though, i printed out homework for chem, and my next phil essay question. but, it wasn't till after i had stapled the necessary pieces together did i realize that the printer had pulled the paper crooked and now the print-outs look totally ghetto.
//
okay, also -- i need to exit dorm life. immediately! although earlier i was starting to think it wasn't so bad now that i have friends in close proximity that i can tolerate and what not. also this year i've had a "holier than thou" approach to most of the frosh, and it's good to feel superior... but anyway, these thoughts of running away forever arose when something went haywire. something so totally heinous that should never occur in real life. today i had my first encounter of the semester with someone dropping a deuce in the bathroom while i go in to brush my teeth. my whole cleansing ritual of brushing my teeth in the morning was shot. just thinking about the process of pinching a steamy loaf in the vicinity of someone brushing their teeth... it makes me all queasy... uh oh, i just threw up in my mouth a little bit.


Slapped up here on 11/11/2001 05:51:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

i just participated in a conversation in which i realized how drunk i am on cougar pride. it's pathetic really, and sad to an extent. but, don't you dis my cougs or you will be trying to pry my fist out of your ear, and my foot out of your belly button. and even though it's fun to make fun of us cougars and our party mentality and how we are all stuck over here in the middle of a wheat field and what not. but keep in mind, that's just one more thing that unites us. that, and our collective knowledge that Minnich is the man, and that the huskies are hosers [sorry, u-dub amigos]. so, in conclusion, it's good to have school spirit. but, only as long as it doesn't progress into some creepy obession. because, don't get me wrong, i'll admit to being a coug and i'll cheer for my guys until my throat is sore, but i have my dignity.



Slapped up here on 11/10/2001 05:48:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

-- sometimes i like to sit in contemplation while i tie things into knots with my tongue.
-- other times i let the stress get to me, and i feel like throwing my shoes at the preview students taking a tour of the campus.
-- rarely will i punch you in the face just for being a jerk. however, if you are a jerk and you try to steal my grilled cheese too...
-- most of the time, though, buy me a dr. pepper and i'll let you copy my homework.



Slapped up here on 11/09/2001 10:33:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

yesterday i learned:
-- i can't really read a digital clock either.
-- when i die i'm going to come back and haunt all of you!
-- i know just about as much physics as a discarded shoe you'd find on the freeway.

yesterday was a productive one...



Slapped up here on 11/08/2001 03:36:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

harold, we've just been given a violent shove into winter because holy fruit loving, donkey dunking, gerbil hoarding, hemorrhoid hugging, crap munching piss face it snowed for about 2.5 seconds today. not really big news, not much fell, and nothing stuck. but i just wanted to post "crap munching piss face" as an alternative to "pee drinking crap face".
current temp: 33 degrees. it's expected to drop down into the 20s tonight. and, more snow on the way? better break out the snow motion vehicles, julius!


Slapped up here on 11/06/2001 03:17:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

i was in the middle of constructing a really fine piece of writing when my computer hiccuped. i was going on and on about how funny The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, and Late Night with Conan O'Brien was last night and then all of a sudden... flat line. i really don't feel like typing it all again so i'll just say the hilarity involves superfluous ear hair, a coke bottle in the rectum, and a poster of the Golden Girls. the shows weren't funny enough to make me laugh so hard that i accidently fart, but it was damn close.

for awesome clips of the daily show, go HERE. i recommend the Steve Carell clip of "Beat the Heat" that clip will make you fart.


Slapped up here on 11/06/2001 11:43:00 AM by: Me, Suzy...

it's tremendous. the temperatures are falling, dipping, decreasing, plummeting! the temperature thingie on my computer says it's 35 degrees at approx 8:30pm. when i was walking back home from the library the snot started dripping out of my nose. once i reached the door to the lobby the drip evolved into a continuous flow. my cheeks were numb and i had to pull my hands back into the sleeves of my fleece in order for them not to freeze off. the outside had all the fixins of a winter wonderland, sans snowflakes. i don't know whether to dread what's to come, or plan a trip to go sledding. hmmm... in the meantime, this is fun: moneyfolding


Slapped up here on 11/05/2001 08:42:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

let us take a short second and ponder the sheer perfectness of the almond joy. mmm... yes, the almond joy. not only the perfect combo of chocolate, coconut, and tasty almonds but it is also perfectly divided up. the whole thing is made up of two small parts and each respective part has 2 [count 'em] 2 almonds making for, yes, 4 perfectly delicious bites. now, in my younger years i never really liked the idea for the almond joy. infact, i hated them. when ever i received an almond joy i either: a.) gave to my mom. or b.) took a bite, made a "this is sick" face, then spit it out and threw away the evidence. i thought coconut was putrefactive and thus i would not delve in the goodness. but as we all know, we become wiser in our years, and start to like things that made us wretch in horror before. i won't go into details here... okay, the 2nd good thing about the almond joy is the simplistic packaging. they don't try to win you over with fanciful graphics or chances to win a crappy trip. it's rather boring blue and white wrapper is completely comforting with the "Almond Joy" name written in round brown lettering right across the front. oh man, the almond joy is so good, i wish i was eating one right now!


Slapped up here on 11/04/2001 12:42:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

i've been doing some thinking about my future. where i could tolerate living, what i really want to do with my time and money. should i save up for a mansion and take the bus? or live in a trailer and ride in style in a dune buggy, or on a killer moped? hmmm... am i going to buy generic pop, or name brand. ha, what a stupid question. it's only name brand for me! okay what about entertainment? i can't entertain myself all the time. i'm going to need a satellite dish AND a dvd player. complete with a collection of jim carrey movies [insert knowledgeable nod here]. i want a 100 gallon fish tank. a foosball table. and an ugly plaid couch with an ugly multi-colored afghan thrown over the back. now also, i'm going to need a yard big enough to satisfy my 20 dogs and enough litter boxes to sustain my 50 cats. also, all those pets are going to make too much excrement for me to handle, so i'm going to need to hire some serfs to clean up after them. then there's the problem of having enough food to feed them all [animals and serfs]... um, i'll just have figure that out later. okay, so many things about the future are uncertain and scary. but, one thing is for sure, i want to have a refrigerator with see-through doors. just like in the grocery store. sliding or swing doors, no preference.


Slapped up here on 11/02/2001 05:37:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

i hate physics with a passion more intense than a million fires burning for a million years. this includes the physics lab. our TA [known as pablo, by some] isn't from this country and occasionally asks us if the way he is spelling words is correct [such as the word: sensors]. even though our experiences in lab can be devastating, my best friend darla cheers me up by shouting random obscenities mainly directed towards pablo but only really heard by me. and one other good thing about physics lab is the fact that almost everyone gets 10% on the quizzes. 1 pt out of 10... yup, we're geniuses [we get one point for trying]. anyway, during our last lab we had a weird discovery. my partners and i noticed an odd sign at the back of the room. the observation of this sign and it's contents firmly cemented for us the fact that all physics people are indeed insane. and the sign read: "This lab area is a BOOGER FREE ZONE". damn psychos.


Slapped up here on 11/01/2001 03:44:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...