i feel i need to expand WSU's description.

WASHINGTON STATE UNIVERSITY
Want to major in agriculture? Do you like cheese? Do you like to watch wheat grow? Ever want to drink a lot of cheap beer? Every weekend? Do you like passing out? In your own vomit? Every weekend? Do you love walking up hills in the wind? Rain? Snow? Does freezing your ass off sound intriguing? How about 30 degree weather outside and 90 degree heat inside? Do you think squirrels are cute? How about 3000 squirrels? Do low quality college cable tv shows make you laugh? Feel the uncanny urge to go sledding on cafeteria trays at the golf course? Do you want to go a university located close to another university with people just as unemployable as you? [ha ha! take that Idaho!] Don't you think it's DAMN cool to be a coug? I thought so...
Come to WAZZU!! There are no bums littering the streets and no old people clogging up our roadways.



Slapped up here on 10/31/2001 07:58:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

need an alias? mine is Velma Dufus. craptastic!


Slapped up here on 10/30/2001 05:15:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

here's a good joke:

there were 3 old guys in a doctors office. the doctor wanted to ask each of them the same question and see what there answer was. [probably determining if they were going senile] so, the doctor asked the 1st guy, "what's 3 times 3?"
and the old dude said, "274!"
"okaaay..." said the doctor and he moved on to the next guy. "what's 3 times 3?" he asked.
the next old guy cried, "monday!!"
"riiiight..." said the doctor and he then went on to the last old guy. he finally asked him, "what's 3 times 3?"
"nine." said the old guy.
"wow, that's right!" exclaimed the doctor, "how'd you know that?"
"simple, you just take 274 and minus monday."


Slapped up here on 10/30/2001 04:34:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

in case your day isn't happy enough. lawn bowling granny. enjoy, my friends.


Slapped up here on 10/29/2001 05:41:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

i can now link to the pics of my choosing [this damn well better work. if not, someone please tell me]. perhaps i should now make use of the comp lab scanners when i get some pics developed. yes, perhaps... other than that, i have nothing funny to relay - except for the fact that tonight is my flag-football night. we play at 10 pm. yes, 10 pm. it's about 45 degrees outside now [at 3 pm] i can only imagine what the temp will be come nightfall.


Slapped up here on 10/29/2001 03:05:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

If my dog was here, I'm pretty sure I'd kiss her right on her cute puppy dog head. If my cat was here, I'm pretty sure I'd play with his little kitty arms. If you were here, I'm pretty sure I'd give you a hug. If my car was here, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be here. And if the beach was here, I'm pretty sure I'd go there. I'm pretty sure that I miss home. And right here, right now, I have this overwhelming sensation of ketchup that is making my uneasy. And a little queasy.


Slapped up here on 10/28/2001 02:57:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

**chem lecture:
weissbart: "Well, with this I have proven that pickles conduct electricity... Look, the pickle is smoking. But, if you tell people you saw this in your chemistry class, they'd think you were smoking."
class: "hahahahaha!"
weissbart: "If I can get it right, I can make the pickle glow... Sometimes, the pickle explodes."
class: "Make it explode!"
weissbart: "I'm trying! [insert dissappointed groan] Now you can see it has some nice burn marks, though."
**i love chemistry.



Slapped up here on 10/26/2001 12:39:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

here we go, here's my idea: BBQ pizza. yes, you heard me right. i say there should be a pizza cooked with little to no pizza sauce, and when it's done you slather the sucker with BBQ sauce until it looks like a lathered up jerry mathers. also, there should be onion rings included on the pizza. so, the plan is, i'll sell my idea to all the pizza places, make the big bucks, then i'll take all my little buddies [including you] out for... quizno's and dr. pepper.


Slapped up here on 10/26/2001 12:09:00 AM by: Me, Suzy...

at college i experience extreme highs and lows. i go from being so completely bored that i agree to everything, to being so completely swamped i can't agree with anything. right now is a time that i am completely swamped, save the time i'm taking to do this... but, i see this as a necessary evil. o@d is a proverbial porthole [a spitoon, if you will] in to which i can occasionally spit and fill to the brim with happy crap when i'm feeling a little less than groovy, and call it a good day. this is what i'll write today that could possibly make any day turn out to be an okay day:
-- handle-bar moustaches look like they're more trouble than they're worth, but it's okay to be seen lookin' like a hoser.*

*note: i'm noticing that as time is progressing this week i'm starting to lose my mind. or, maybe, is it that i'm just now finding it? exploring my limitations, my connections, my ... no wait, i've just lost it. i'll get back to you when i collect all of my marbles.


Slapped up here on 10/25/2001 12:10:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

now this is what i'm talking about: http://www.konstruktiv.net/kitty_02.html. here kitty, kitty!


Slapped up here on 10/24/2001 10:25:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

don't you just like to spice things up once in a while? add a pinch of pizzazz, a touch-o-jazz. saucy stylings, and tangy flare are what make the world go 'round. i had a lot of pesky wax build up in my ears this morning. i mean a lot; as much as a lot of earwax can be i guess. but, it was a pretty good collection. i didn't realize i was neglecting my ear hygiene so much. diggin' for gold, i was. i wish it were saturday. football. you know, if i had my way i'd stay in my room all day singing along to my favorite tunes, but since i don't control the world just yet, i have to go dance with some dead parasites forever stuck underneath a coverslip on a slide as i sit hunched over my microscope studying it's internal organs and memorizing it's hermaphroditic life cycle. wonderful things, these fruit snacks. i wish i could make more sense, but i can't handle the stress, or the chicken grill.


Slapped up here on 10/24/2001 01:06:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

i've often wondered what i would say to certain people if i ever had the chance to make conversation... hmmm:

professors:
physics: "so, what'd you push that elevator button with - like - 10 newtons? say, how many newtons would it take for me to push you out that there window? whaddya say, should we experiment? for the sake of science?"

chem: "that's a nice sweater you have on. yup, the 80's sure were a great decade, weren't they? hey, what do you think would be the rate of reaction if, let's say, i put that sweater in 1 L of 18M H2SO4? i'm sure the results would be stunning! i'll take good notes in my observation section!"

phil: "you know, camel toe just isn't in style anymore, i'm sorry. i just don't see how the end justifies these means, i really don't."

zool: "________________________________" i wouldn't say anything to my zool prof. i believe she has given me parasites in the free doughnuts she gives us every moring. a completely heinous situation deserves no communication.


Slapped up here on 10/23/2001 03:39:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

hey?

1.) if you were stranded on a island and could have only 5 things what would they be: 5 magic genies in each of their respected 5 magic bottles.
2.) 5 people who would they be: jack black [entertainment], sheesh [my daisy-dog is a person], chris farley [more entertainment], the crocodile hunter [to catch dinner], cleo the psychic [for her psychic abilities].
3.) whats the scarriest thing you've ever been through: riding back from spokane in the snow, fog, and w/a dumbass driving on the ass of someone for an hour and a half back to pullman...[this was last year].
4.) if you could remove one word from the english language what would it be: this is good question... i'd say, "tuition". college is expensivo. or, it'd be nice if there was no such thing as, "diarrhea".
5.) are you addicted to anything: caffeine. success. tv. ethernet. laughing heartily. kung fu hamster, that's right, hamster.
6.) Words or Phrases that you overuse: "c'mon, you asshole" unfortunately... oh, and, "unfortunately". as for phrases that other people overuse: if i hear, "that's fun!" one more time when describing a shirt, i'm gonna scream bloody murder, in short spurts, right in your left ear, repeatedly.
7.) What's your favorite alcoholic beverage? mike's is tasty... 'sex on the beach' with the melon crap was good too.
8.) Have you ever smoked pot? who knows, knows... yes? that is a yes.
9.) If you could be any character in any movie, who would you be? the one where the person [that being me] enherits the large economic estate from her late uncle mcgillicuddy, buys a big house on the beach [far far away from eastern wash.], and spends her days drinking strawberry daquiris and playing frisbee with dogs. cuz man, that'd be sweet.
10.) What color are your socks? white, and stained...
11.) What color is your underwear? white, and stained... heehee
12.) Do you smoke?: no, never would, if i ever do, shoot me.
13.) Do you drink?: of course, or i'd be dead by now.
14.) Do you have a crush: i'll crush you!
15.) People you hate: liars, fakers, people with overexurberant lifestyles, valetudinarians, annoying people in zool.
16.) People you love: loud laughers, unselfish people, people who you trust and trust you back, and mostly people who laugh at my jokes.
17.) Who is the devil?: dr. garvey [what an ass], derek jeter, osama bin-fuckin-laden.
18.) Who is the MAN?: edgar, MD, jason gesser, colin mochrie, kung fu hamster.


Slapped up here on 10/21/2001 12:46:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

in my swelling state of rage, i can not be a fun party guest. i am so bummed. bummed! on nov. 15th, weezer is playing a concert in seattle at key arena - but who gives 2 poos about weezer? TENACIOUS D is playing too, & that's the important part! the 15th is the thursday before thanksgive break. and since i just missed a few days recently, i can't afford to purposely miss any more quiz days for any sort of selfish reason. dammit! so, since i can't go, no one else can either - to any of the tour dates, okay!? or, if you go, you buy me a shirt, take pics, get a jb / kg autograph, then tell me ALL about it, k? good, than it's a deal. i still horribly and freakishly w/out any reservations want to go though. i'm going to go cuss and swear to myself in a corner bathroom stall now, thumbs up to you and yours! ... i'd give anything if they'd play beasley or friggin' spokane for that matter [i am impartial to spokane, by the way]. i am obsessed with the D, and i have serious problems. i think i need to be sprayed down with a hose. but, now all i need is to not be able to catch a gimme gimmes show and my life will be set [insert sarcastic smile here]. take care now, byebye then.


Slapped up here on 10/19/2001 01:53:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

there's this guy in my physics class. i don't know anything about him. today, during the middle of class, he had a del monte fruit cup, and he was eating the fruit pieces with a pocket knife. talk about efficiency!


Slapped up here on 10/18/2001 04:19:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

i slowly crawl over my pillows and swing a leg over the alarm clock and down to the first step. making sure that total balance has been attained, my 2nd appendage comes down and joins the first. at this time, i am conscious of the window at my back and the possibility of me falling to my death. next, i look to see if my chair is postitioned properly for the descent down to the safe ground. with the agility of a monkey with a gymnastic background, i step down once more and swing myself around the post and down to my chair. if one hand is misplaced, if one toe slips, i could go crashing into the tv area, and end ass up by the garbage can disturbing the whole equilibriumistic symbiosis of the dorm room...
so, as you can see, everytime i climb down from my bed, i am risking my life. especially if i'm wearing socks of the slippery variety. i have to maintain my composure and stability when leaving my loft or i just might fall and dislocate a hip or something. luckily though, i am short enough that if i sit up in bed, i won't hit my head on the ceiling. so, i'm safe there. but still... i never thought taking a nap could possibly end up in disaster.


Slapped up here on 10/17/2001 06:41:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

--at fridays kickass show. concert. gig. rock show. gigantic jackass display of mucky muck[?]:
me: "it's really weird to be here. and to be around a bunch of kids a few years younger than me. it's making me nervous!"
scott: "but suzy, you look younger than all of them!"
me: "hahaha, shut up! a college sophomore does not want to look younger than high school kids."
scott: "you look like a fetus compared to them."
--scott then rolls up into a fetal postition and, imitating a fetal suzy, says, "why does everyone keep saying that?!"
<><><><>
--suzy spots a large darkhaired ponytailed giant.
me: "that. guy. is. HUGE! he could pummel all of us!"
scott: "his name is pam."
me: "pam, the pummeler?"
scott: "yes, exactly."
<><><><>
when i see someone eating a banana with a g.d. spoon, i have to laugh. because, c'mon - get a life, weirdo!
<><><><>
ok, so i'm a little rusty. being home was fun and being back at school sucks large salty ones. the only thing that's left to say is: "bring on thanksgive, i'm more than ready. countdown has commenced, T - minus 32 days..."


Slapped up here on 10/16/2001 11:02:00 AM by: Me, Suzy...

chowder house. i'm so tired that my fingernails hurt for some reason. digital unicorn. more t.b.a.


Slapped up here on 10/15/2001 11:55:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

f.y.i., b.t.w., a.s.a.p., p.o.s., s.o.l., s.o.b.: i am venturing home friday afternoon. i will be back on monday night. o@d will be idle for that time. don't cry. don't fret. and don't go calling all the hospitals seeing if i'm there because i haven't posted to o@d for a few days, i won't be at any of 'em. peace out, broseph.

p.s.: who actually reads this bunk anyway?


Slapped up here on 10/11/2001 06:51:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss

"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity."
--Edgar Allen Poe

i love quotes. quotes love me.

ok, ok. as some of you know, i am in the honors college here @ wsu. yay, for me... yeah, anyway, so as a part the whole thing we get a weekly email "updating" us on certain stupid things having to do with being in the hc. and the emails are sent out by a person named kim anderson. now, when i hear the name, 'kim anderson' i see a small, blonde haired, white girl. you probably see the same sort of image in your head. okay, so - today, i attended a honors thesis informational meeting that was being presented to us by a representative of the honors college; i learned about this through one of the emails. i expected to see the same sort of unlikeable person that i always see talking to us at boring meetings like this, but today someone different came in. at a few minutes past four, this stocky british guy with a badass goatee, crazy graying hair and bad teeth strutted in and grabbed a seat. he got his shit together, and then said, "hello everyone, my name is kim. kim anderson."


Slapped up here on 10/11/2001 06:44:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

i tried posting something funny... but, it wasn't. so, i'll resort to professionals:

How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How about the pillow? It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that dangerous beak.
-- Jack Handey

If life gives you lemons, why not go kill someone with the lemons (maybe by shoving them down his throat)?
-- Jack Handey

If you want to the popular one at a party, here's a good thing to do: Go up to some people who are talking and laughing and say, "Well, technically that's illegal." It might fit in with what somebody just said. And even if it doesn't, so what, I hate this stupid party.
-- Jack Handey

"All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store...with a pricing gun. She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store."
-- Steven Wright

"I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building... I changed my mind at the last minute, and I ended up doing a quadruple backflip and landed standing on my feet. Nobody saw except two little kittens and one turned to the other and said, 'See, that's how you do that.'"
-- Steven Wright

"I broke my arm trying to fold a bed. It wasn't that kind that folds."
--
"I just got out of the hospital, i was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."
--
"I have the worlds largest collection of sea shells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world...Perhaps you've seen it."
--
"You know, i've heard that if you melt people down and sell all the components. They'd only be worth $.87... That's gotta be a pretty weird store though..."
-- all by Steven Wright

okay, so i went a bit overboard with the quotes. but i just think that they are just completely awesome and deserve to be on here. indubitably.


Slapped up here on 10/10/2001 06:58:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

someone, oh god, someone please -- tell me that i did not just witness this: i was in roto [why do most of my stories circle around roto?], and tolerating my lunch when i heard a cough... i didn't really think much of it. it is cold and flu season, afterall. anyway, the coughing progressed to a hacking, annoying, noise pollution mess, and i had to see what what was going on. so, i finally turned around to look at the perpatrator and i saw the old lady that replenishes the napkin trays hacking up some lung butter. "oh, sick!" i screamed to myself. i started shivering in horror and disgust, wishing i had never looked over at "lunch lady doris" dispersing her mucous development on the paper products i use to wipe my mouth after i make a complete mess of myself... horrifying is what it was. it was simply horrifying.


Slapped up here on 10/09/2001 03:54:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

shhhh... my roommate is sleeping. you hear that, "_____________" silence. the bad part is, i started thinking of funny phrases that were said back in the day. things like, "rothboeck, you're not gonna buy that!" yelled by mike on our way to the beach during marine bio, when justin ran over to the [then for sale] liquor store [or coupe's cafe or whatev], and grabbed a real estate flyer. and, "why must you always take things to extremes?" uttered by senora korteum when april and i scooted our desk back all the way to the wall, as far as it would go, because she said to. i think about those things, and i just start tensing up, wanting laugh so hard. ahhhh, those memories... all the "i love T.W." and "T. S. Please!" adventures... we would "womp woolley! and one long hard one!". mrs. eller screams she's "taking down the violence sign" and surely it'll mean death for all of us.
but, for me there is a new wave of hilarious keepsake phrases now. like, "hmm, fuck brand swimsuits... those are good, i like those." and "wasn't colin supposed to take you grocery shopping?" how about, "that's why we call him, 'dave in the back.'" or, "we got lost in fulmer today." ... none of these make sense to you, nor are funny, are they? "don't poke your butch out"? no? "to make waves you have to first make nipples" ... eh?
ok, ok... how about, "BUTTORFF!"


Slapped up here on 10/08/2001 01:40:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

i saw a bum sleeping outside roto on a bench. a bum! a dirty rotten bum, i say! you gotta be quite the bum to be bummin' around pullman. it's getting freakishly colder by the nanosecond, and the college kids are gonna treat you like the rhino spit that you are. poor bum, now i'm feeling sorry for him. maybe i should give him a blanket. buy him dinner at roto. give him a shoulder to cry on. on second thought, he's probably loaded with germs and nasty disease causing parasites! what he needs is a shower! no one wants you here you crazy bum! move to tucson, creepy!



Slapped up here on 10/06/2001 06:29:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

broken promises don't upset me.
i just think, why did they believe me?
--jack handey

things to think about and be happy:

1. miniature staplers
2. bendy straws
3. "eyes on the copy, strictly for speed..."
4. a dog wearing glasses
5. monkey buisness
6. lemmings
7. repeatedly saying the word "thwack!"
8. sea monkeys
9. catching a dogfish [this may only apply to me]
10. asdf;lkjasdf;lkjasdf;lkjasdf;lkjasdf
11. giant rubberbands
12. old guys with enormous glasses
13. suzy driving a rascal while repeatedly saying the word, "thwack" and chasing an old guy with enormous glasses carrying some sea monkeys that are using miniature staplers to staple pictures together of dogs wearing glasses catching dogfish with lemmings drinking from bendy straws while participating in some monkey business with a giant rubber band while keeping their eyes on the copy, and typing, "asdf;lkjasdf;lkjasdf" strictly for speed.

and they said it couldn't be done.


Slapped up here on 10/05/2001 04:49:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

a very tired suzy comes back from her parasitology review and chem tutorial [having finished the chem lab last week, she gets excused from have to do it this week - hoo-ray!] and climbs back up into her semi-comfortable bed. with her feet at the head of the bed on the pillows, and her noggin resting comfortably on a red hooded sweatshirt, she steamrolls her way into slumber land. with visions of relative rates of chemical reactions and the life cycle of trypanosoma cruzi dancing in her head, her conscious thoughts begin to become fuzzy. she suddenly feels the familiar build up of gas brought about from the roto breakfast. she holds it in in an attempt to not interupt the tv watching of her roommate. a few seconds later her eyelids become heavier and total relaxation is attained... zzzzzzz -- all of a sudden a low rolling sound of flatulence startles her awake... oh, crapface! she just farted during nappy time, and it woke her up! did her roommate hear? is she even in the room? suzy wasn't going to look down in the direction of her roommate. it was loud enough to startle the one who delt it, and hopefully she will also be the only one who smells it. suzy just pretends she's still asleep. it's less conspicuous that way. you can't control that when you're sleeping afterall. she dozes off again and then, she hears the door open and her roommate come in. ok, so what was the deal? was it a safe excretion of gaseous proportions? or, did she go out into the hall to laugh at little gaseous suzy, and then, after she gained her composure come back in? hmmm, it'll be one of greatest mysteries of suzy's life.


Slapped up here on 10/04/2001 04:31:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

*outside bryan 402, 10 min before philosophy class:

him: "so, did you write your paper last night?"

me: "no. this morning."

him: "oh, good one!"

me: "no, actually i did most of it last night."

him: "oh, yeah. it was funny - i go to print out my paper last night, and my printer wasn't working. so, i go and borrow a printer from a buddy of mine. i had to spend like an hour installing all this crap into the hard drive and stuff. but, anyway so i get that finished, and then i go to print it out, and it says there's a paper jam. and, i'm like, 'what the hell is it talking about?' so, then i was like, 'alright' and i open the thing up, and jammed in there.. is a fucking dead mouse... "

me: "are you serious? gross!"

him: "yeah, i'm like, 'dude! where'd you keep your printer?!?' so, my friend took this piece of paper and pulled the mouse out of there. it was digusting."

me: "sick."

him: "yeah, so i printed out a few copies, threw them away, and then printed out a clean copy... at least i hope it's clean..."


Slapped up here on 10/03/2001 07:06:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

i don't have much to say today. but what i do have is a prolific statement:

*make weird faces at someone you don't know. follow it up with 2 enthusiastic thumbs up. i do, and i guarantee results!

actually, i... um, don't really do that. but, you can imagine what it'd be like if i did, huh?!?! hahehahehahe! [chris farley style]




Slapped up here on 10/02/2001 03:38:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

check the date: 10/1/01 i am easily amused.


Slapped up here on 10/01/2001 03:16:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...

i don't know a lot of people by their real names. but. i do know a lot of people by the names i make up for them. i do this by observing defining characteristics about them or witnessing an odd event, and exaggerating on it. for instance: one day, i saw this one guys buttcrack in the dining center - so from then on out, i know him as none other than, ' dc buttcrack'. which reminds me, does anyone know the official medical term for the buttcrack? hmmm, that's a mystery.
well, then there's 'wolfy', she was wearing a t-shirt that had a wolf on it one day [it is always fun to refer to someone by what's on their shirt, "go ask big red" / "hey, i like your stripes, stripey" etc]. then, just for a taste of the plethora of fake names, there is 'sasquatch', 'sideburns lady', 'guy that reminds me of joey d.', 'bags-o-fun', 'girl i want to punch in the face', 'camel toe', 'smokey joe', '2 ton tony', 'fire crotch sr.', 'fire crotch jr.', and 'evil michelle' [also known as scary spice]. i always get a kick out of evil michelle. just think of our michelle but then add crack/cocaine + black eye makeup + a spikey dog collar and it will = evil michelle. all other people that i don't make up a name for, regardless of anything, i'll refer to as either, 'sassafrass', 'broseph', or 'creepy'.
<><><><><><>
as a side note:
this is the opinion of me: i hate those shirts that are now all the rage. those half tank-toppy things that look like you stuck your head and one of your arms out the neck hole. they look retarded. and you look retarded in them... especially when they have sparkles that spell out, 'princess' or 'juicy' or something stupid. please, just stop it, now. that was just the opinion of me.


Slapped up here on 10/01/2001 02:39:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...