you can tell which pens i use the most by seeing how much the pen cap is obliterated to bits by means of mastication. i chew my pens all day. it's what i do. it's a dirty dirty habit that should, by all means, be broken. i've tried the -- what do you call it...? oh, gum, to derail the cap chewing, but the urge still remains strong. sometimes, i get self conscious about my chewage when i turn to say something to a friend next to me, and they can't understand me because the pen cap in my mouth takes precedence over the verbal communication: "won de he sah da momewurk wash doo?" then, the situation gets worse when i pull the pen cap out and a glob of spit accompanies it. then, with the pen cap still in my hand, everything switches into slow motion as i watch in horror when the stringy spit glob falls on to my notes... "darnnit to heck, you guys." i might say [orignial quote edited for content, it may not have been suitable for younger viewers]. also, a nervous laugh might squeak out as i try to wipe up the evidence before anyone else sees it. and then, as i see that i've smeared my notes all to hell, a dissapointment groan slides out and makes my friends laugh at me... morals of the story: if you're going to chew pen caps, please chew pen caps responsibly. friends don't let friends chew pen caps. and, chewing pen caps is just a stepping stone to bigger things...

which makes me think... what if one day, i don't just stop at the pen cap. what if, one day, i eat my pen? just picture it, i have blue ink smeared all over my face. people begin to point, stare, laugh! and i become jittery trying to conjure up a good excuse. they'll all say, "suzy, what the hell is this?" and i'll say, "it's just... blueberry... filling. yeah, blueberry filling! i was eating a hostess pie in class.. heh heh... alright, okay! i learned it by watching you!" *shivers* this is no laughing matter people, this is serious disease. i hope i never stoop that low...


Slapped up here on 9/23/2001 07:23:00 PM by: Me, Suzy...